Into Everyone's Life a Little Rain

So it I've let life get in my way...again. Not a new theme for me. Oddly enough, though, I think I see the lesson this time rather than wonder at it. After all I've been saying for a couple months now "I'm not going to worry, it will all be taken care of"...now I'm getting to prove the fact.

I was set to have my cake and eat it, too. My manager left the company I'm working for and I was poised to finally be hired and get a substantial raise, to finally be able to quit my part time job of nearly 3 years, and to finally look into making a dent into my debt....I was flying high....and then the bottom fell out. Not only did I discover that I'm not being hired, but they are actually letting me go at the end of the month. I'm a contractor/temp even though I've worked full time for over a year, but as such that means no severance, nothing for all the hard work I've put in. The day I leave here is the day I leave a steady paycheck. Then I found out that the benefits I've had through my part time job would probably go away because no one has the hours to sustain me right now. So I'll be losing my job, my health insurance and any vacation pay I could have gotten.

I admit I sobbed when I found out, then I got really angry, then numb (your basic mourning process) and then a little voice spoke up and said "Isn't it you who has been saying you trust that it will all work out?" and I suddenly realized I wasn't doing that so I decided to just let it go and let it all work itself out. That doesn't mean I'm not going to go out there and work at finding another job, but I've found peace in the knowledge that God will take me to whatever path I'm supposed to go down. It will all work out.

A Rebellious Body is a Blessing Reminder

I've been battling the stomach flu since last Monday, so a little over a week now. I've dropped nearly 10 pounds because all I've been able to eat are popsicles, toast, little bits of yogurt and water/gatorade. Now, loosing weight is fabulous, and I can always stand to loose a few pounds but this is kind of like cheating. I want to earn those pounds through good diet and exercise, not having by body reject everything I put in it ;P

This morning I woke up feeling sorry for myself and angry at my body. "Why can't you just get over this already!?!?!?!" I keep mentally screaming at it. I miss my coffee, tea, fat (LOL). I don't like feeling like a prisoner to something I should be in control over. These things really show you how your body is just a shell letting they 'you' visit for a while and make use of it, but 'you' are not fully in control.

So in the midst of my moping and mental screaming during my drive to work I had two very good examples of why this is merely a mild inconvenience and I should have patience. The first was the homeless man I see every day on the same corner in the mornings. He always has the same "Please help, hungry" sign, walks the same two lanes of traffic. Everyday I feel equal parts guilty for not giving him money or my lunch if I brought it, and detached in wondering how he got there and how much does his pride suffer to beg like that (if he still has any pride at this point). Today, that little voice in me said "Look, he's hungry everyday and you've only faced this a week. By next week you'll probably be getting fat and happy again, and he'll still be looking for a meal." Ok. Point one for the voice.

Then on the radio the morning show I was listening to went on to talk about this woman who (along with her daughter) was a victim of a violent hit and run nearly two years ago. Neither were expected to survive it was so bad, but thankfully they both did. The daughter is fully recovered but the mom is still having problems. She's lost her house, her job, her child support. She has no money, no place to really live, and the treatments she needs she can't afford because her health insurance is refusing to pay. Without these treatments, the bones in both her legs will never heal. They've been broken for nearly two years now, but her nerves are rebelling and the healing process can't begin until the nerves are healed.

Needless to say, my pity party quickly faded in the face of these two examples. My body is going through a minor inconvenience but by next week or the next I'll be fine. I have two jobs, a great apartment, income, food, clothes, great friends, a mom I know I can ask for help if needed (not needed but she offers anyway, bless her), I am not without means or things. I am well and truly blessed beyond anything I could comprehend or probably deserve, so I have to just suck it up and remember that this will pass, for others it won't.

That doesn't mean I won't lapse into the pity party every now and then, but for today I've learned my lesson :)

The Danger of Rapture

Ever since I was a child, anytime a lot of world events happened all at once, everyone would start claiming "The End of the World." Inevitably talk would turn to The Rapture, and how we needed to be on watch and prepared so that we would be counted in that number. I lived under this illusion for years, but that is exactly what Rapture is...an illusion.

There is no Biblical basis for this phenomenon except in one text. 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 which mentions some vagueness about the dead being called to Heaven first and then those who are still living, but it never says that then everyone else is left behind to go through anything. Plus you have to remember that they all thought the Kingdom of Heaven was coming right then. This concept never appears in the book of Revelation, which most Christians see as the outline for the 'end times.' Read that book and you find we are all in this to the bitter end.

So where does this ever popular myth come from? Most of the concepts of Rapture are fairly recent, starting with great popularity around the mid to late 1600's in America and really taking off toward the mid 1700's (not surprisingly the time where America was trying to fight against the British Monarchy). The first real popular proponents, at least that I've really seen, were a father and son team, the Mathers (Increase and Cotton - yes those are their real names). Cotton, the son, was a Puritan minister in Boston at the time of the Salem Witch Trials and was a very prolific writer of theology for his day, but you can see where his influence is going, right? Puritan fundamentalist, witch trial proponent, c'mon. Then there is Edward Irving, a Scottish minister in the early 1800's (coincidentally after the 2nd Scottish uprisng, American Revolution, the Napoleonic Wars, and many 'epidemics') who was quite involved with thoughts of prophecy, spiritualism and the Apocalypse (he wrote several sermons and lectures on the subject). He was really the first to truly push the thought of a 2 stage return of Christ. The Rapture, then the final coming for those left behind after the Antichrist had risen in power. I'm not quite certain, but he may also have been the preacher who got the concept from a little girl in his congregation who told him about a dream she had where God took all the good people up to Heaven and left everyone else to suffer.

From Irving many of the huge proponents of this thought can be traced back to his teachings. Tim LaHaye, the author of that popular fantasy series Left Behind, uses the concept as outlined in great detail from the Scoffield Bible. A Bible written around the beginnings of the 20th century, right around World War 1 and the devastating Spanish Influenza epidemic. Not to mention we'd just gone through the Age of Reason, Age of Enlightenment, Gilded Age and all these 'ages' that seemed to promise a new and shiny era for humanity, and we can see how that went.

It seems to me, after delving into the concept, that it is a dangerous myth. I believe it is an excuse for Christians to become lazy and isolated from the world. It negates us having to really fight for the future of God's creation because we are constantly holding out that we'll see His return in our lifetime (of course that concept has been around since the inception of the religion). Statistically the number of births among Christian households has declined significantly in the past few years. We are giving birth to less believers, while other religions are growing and thriving (this isn't a call for everyone to go out and mate like rabbits, just trying to make a point). I know a lot of Christians among my acquaintance will say it's because they can't fathom bringing another soul into this world, especially since it will be over soon. *Sigh*

If the whole of Christendom had never heard of this concept of Rapture, how different do you think things would be? Instead of saying, "Oh well they can screw up the planet as much as they want because I won't be here to suffer since I'm going to be called to Heaven before then", would we be trying harder to fix the problems around us? Christ mentions the "end of the age" (not world) and no where in his teachings does he say that we won't all suffer. Oh no, under his teachings we're in this for the long haul.

I also find it worrisome that talks of these concepts are always around times of great uncertainity and superstition. Each millennium, every time there is an illness epidemic, war, natural disasters, the list goes on, these always seem to be the trigger. To my knowledge I've never heard anyone say "Wow, the world is going along pretty peacefully, I hope Rapture comes today." Granted we've never been at absolute peace, but you get the idea. It seems that in times of great distress we'd rather turn our backs on the hardships and hope God just carries us away (kind of like those old Calgon commercials. The lady has had a hard day so she jumps in the bubble bath of Calgon soap and says "Calgon take me away.") that way we don't have to deal with it.

I personally shall take my views from Christ, we're all in this together, every bitter trial and ecstatic triumph. No one will get to escape, it negates the thought of a merciful God that He'd only take a few and let the rest suffer. If that was the case, then why should I even bother with other people? Shouldn't I be looking only to myself? Or if I do help others, am I doing it because I truly want to help or because I want it to look good on my Heavenly resume? If we all took a little time to forget this concept and to focus on actually doing beneficial things and working at helping a hurting world, then in a way wouldn't there be a sort of Rapturous delight in a world that is thriving in a positive and wonderful light? How Rapturous would it be to see everyone getting along and working together, to see that we can reverse the damage and hate we've created in this world? That's the true Rapture to me, the day of peace amongst God's creation. Nothing could be more Rapturous than that.

The negative "Image"

Back in the 'old' days, before digital, photographs were developed from negatives. My mother used to do touch ups on them for school portraits, wedding photos, etc. I remember sitting near her while she worked. She had a board that lit up and the photo's negative would sit over that light so she could see every little imperfection lit up on the image. I remember looking at those images while she painted over the blemishes, so that once the negative image was turned into an actual portrait all acne, wrinkles, dark eye circles, etc. would be gone. I was always fascinated by the negative image. It was sinister and fascinating in ways. All that black with the eyes and teeth showing up a frightening whitish color, the outline of the person in some creepy green hue. It was like looking at the monster within.

We've heard all our lives, no matter who you are or what you believe, that humanity was made in God's image. It is definitely a newer way of looking at the divine. Our ancestors made gods in our image, giving them anthropomorphic characteristics so we might understand why things happened. Good and bad. They lusted, hated, sought vengeance, loved, cried, and ran through all of humanities emotions. Despite what some would believe, Christians still carry that tradition on with our humanizing of God. We describe Him in the Bible as jealous, wrathful, loving, merciful, and any number of human emotions so we can understand His actions. The difference is that we believe that our traits are handed down from the divine, but what I've always heard described was the positive photograph. The complete picture minus the flaws, which were touched up when they were a negative, but to me, our souls once they leave this earth will be the complete and touched up picture. What we are while we are here is the negative, that sinister looking flipside with all the dark, eerie outlines.

Many Christians, or God faithful people, talk of how we should strive to be like God. But if we are made in His image, how are we not already like Him in ways? What they should specify is that we should strive to be the loving image, because we have the other image down pat.

Reading the Old Testament, what strikes me is how vengeful and unforgiving God is. He wipes out entire civilizations (which have never existed again, just like He said), He punishes those who displease him down to the third and fourth generation, He allowed the exiles from Egypt to wander for years in a desert because they displeased Him. He flooded the entire world and wiped out nearly all of His creation to punish the sins that had been carried down from Cain. He does not forget, and is slow to forgive. Over and over we hear words to that affect. This is the image of God mankind has always carried.

Ask my family what I was like as a child, and my parents will tell you, I came out of the womb angry. I've always been quick to anger and once it's out it burns long and bright. In my heart I never truly forget any wrong done to me, I constantly think out scenarios to punish those who have hurt me. That dark negative is deeply ingrained, suppressed over the years, but deeply ingrained. I've always joked that it's a good thing I am not divinely powerful because my wrath would wipe out civilizations, but it's not really a joke. I am very much in touch with the burden of carrying that image of God inside me. The weight of the decisions to destroy or to hold back that reflex. I finally understood that my horror at God in the Old Testament doesn't come from what He does, but from that place deep inside that relishes and sees the justice of it.

The dichotomy of my personality has always run to the opposite extremes. On one hand I have a very great need to see justice and punishment handed out in accordance with Hamurabi's Code (eye for eye), while on the other I want that great forgiveness that comes from the Savior and to see all redeemed and saved in the end. I want very much to know that people are suffering in eternal fires of damnation, while hoping that at the last second they repented so they could know what love is. Sometimes the opposing extremes are maddening.

But is it right to truly suppress the negative so much? Look at history and see what waiting and allowing tensions to boil over does. Wars break out from the littlest insult because so much of the anger and resentment had been suppressed for so long. Like a dormant volcano, or faultline, the pressure just builds and builds until it can't be contained and then it explodes. Looking at the whole picture of human history, how are we different from the God of the Old Testament? Do we not wipe out civilizations? Have we not tried to destroy entire races of people? Are we not still trying to do this? If a group does not see the world through the eyes we do, are we not inclined to try and suppress, if not outright destroy them? Do we not hold the sins of the parents against their young and even their young? Do we not want to create and shape this world into our image of it?

Looking back through time, what emerges to me is not the picture, but it's negative. There are attempts to conceal the bad, touch up the blemishes, cover the flaws, but the negative does not lie because it is humanity who is trying to touch up the negative. What we need to understand is that God did not hold back any of Himself, the moment Adam and Eve took in knowledge, they took it all in. Unlike Pandora's box, nothing was held back. We became capable of great evil and even greater good. Being made in God's image meant that we inherited everything. For some the dominant trait of those genetics is love and compassion, for some like me, it is wrath and vengeance.

Does this make me a bad Christian to hold these feelings and thoughts? Some say that the thought is comparable to the action, that wishing something in your heart is like it actually happened. I disagree with this completely. I think the action speaks far louder than the feelings. Even Jesus showed anger in the Temple, even he shouted and struck out. I do believe that feeling the extreme edge of anger and emotions equal to that can be damaging to a person's spirit, and make them more apt to be unkind to others, surly and sullen. It can place you in a very lonely and frightening place. But being able to feel these emotions and to control them is a sign of strength to me, and a sign of your faith in God. A testament that you trust that God's control is greater than yours, His wisdom is far superior, His actions more justified. It also helps me to understand His frightening and awesome power. To see this side of myself and know that in Him it is magnified more times than I could comprehend, and to think of how he allows us to choose and live for ourselves, makes me even more appreciative of His mercy. Takes me to my knees in thankful reverence.

The negative image is what we all reflect, because we are all sinners. I don't care how 'righteous' you believe you are, you are a sinner and therefore no better than anyone else. My daily struggle, though, is to not let that negative be the final image. What I strive for is to try and allow God to touch me up so that when I finally emerge as a finished photo, I am blemish and flaw free.

Fear makes the world go round....

For as long as I can remember I have been afraid. Of what? Everything. Life, death, work, play...it's all caused fear. Why? The really self righteous would say it's because I don't trust God, or because I know that I'm not ready to face Him, and for a long time deep in my heart I believed that. Then I started to look at things, really look at things. Everything around us is made to instill fear. Every form of media, every organization, every form of entertainment...we are conditioned to fear. Because through fear we are controlled.

From the time we are children our parents used fear to make us behave. Fear of punishment, fear of getting injured, fear of disappointing our families, our selves and God. The news (tv and print) thrives on fear. We keep watching in order to know what we need to fear. Even your friends sell fear. Look at their Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. statuses and see how many have posted some political, evangelical, or scientific story that is about something we should fear. We fear oppression, taxes, government, technology, lack of technology, illness, health, knowledge, lack of knowledge. We fear meeting new people, losing those we love, starting a new job, losing the one we have, getting older, staying young. There are even sounds created to instill fear - fire alarms, police/ambulance sirens, that annoying Emergency Broadcast System buzzer. We fear everything.

Even the holiest of books, The Bible, spreads fear if read and interpreted in that context. Take the book of Revelation in the New Testament, or look at Isaiah in the Old Testament. Look at the warnings, the signs, the omens of bad times or the end times. Entire passages and books are written specifically toward fear. So how can anyone tell me that to fear is to turn my back on God, when "God's book" is full of things I should fear?

Because ultimately, deep down in the root of us, biologically speaking, we have learned that fear is the best way to control. In nature, the animals that are the most feared are the most effective predators. In business and politics the more that you are taught to fear the competition or the other party's agendas the more you are controlled by the company or party you belong to. The more you fear a person or group, the more control they have over you. We speak of terrorism in this day and age as if it's a new concept, like it's never happened on this scale before. That's a lie. It's not the concept that is new, it's the means of spreading it's word that has evolved. How much power would so called "terrorists" have if no one ever reported on their activities? (and granted I'm taking out the mass destruction factors that are at everyone's disposal nowadays, this is all theoretical) Do you think the Roman Empire would have spread so wide if they hadn't been feared? The Babylonians? The Nazis? What about conquerors like Alexander the Great? Ghengis Khan? Do you think the Cold War would have really been so big a deal if we weren't constantly being told about how afraid we were supposed to be? Any war for that matter.

My point is that fear makes the world go round. Not money, not love, because we fear losing or possessing those things. Count how many things you read, see or hear today that are geared toward making you afraid. It could be a news article, your friend talking about some extremist political or religious movement, your job whispering about cutbacks, scientists talking about the earth's environment changing.

What about books, songs or movies. How many of us love a good scary story or film? How many songs are written about things we should fear? Think of popular children's songs like "Ring around the Rosies" which is all about plague or "London Bridge is Falling Down" which is about political upheaval. Television shows about crime detection, movies with monsters that haunt us, books (fiction and non) about all the horrible things out there.

What I have discovered, for myself, is that it's not what is out there but how you look at it. A reprogramming of the mind is in order. It's not easy, I've been battling this for years and am still struggling, but it's necessary. I've decided that I'm tired of letting all this fear mongering control me. I'm stepping back from everything and taking a new look. For once my rational must win over my irrational. Fearing is not turning my back on God but giving in to my programming. I even have to change the way I look at the Bible. As blasphemous as some may see it, I have to look at the fact that all words contained in that book were put there by men. God may have given them the words, but like that child's game of telephone, I believe something got lost in translation or at least in interpretation.

For a long time I've considered the only way to escape this control was to cut myself off from the sources. I stopped watching the news, discussing politics, I even stopped going to church because I got tired of the fear preached from the pulpits. I stopped reading the Bible because I didn't want to read about the omens and signs, the wretched things that happened to those who God did not favor. I stopped reading or listening to things dealing with my religion because I was tired of all the "the end is nigh" messages. I admit that in some ways it has worked. It has allowed me to free my mind a wee bit. It's allowed me to take a breath of air and dissect what I was really seeing and hearing. But it's not a way to sustain, so now the hard task of plugging myself back into this system comes. I admit, I'm afraid of that, but really what is there to fear?

Words cannot hurt me unless I allow them to. Stories are just stories, movies are just movies, the news is nothing more than someone's interpretation of events. Earthquakes, storms, volcanoes, plagues, are just natural forces that have always occurred. Ultimately what it comes down to, what the fear leads you to, is the realization that your physical life is finite. That is the scariest thought of all.

If I could I'd declare a world wide "Ignore the Fear" day. I'd urge everyone to not watch the news or read news articles, to stay home from their jobs, to not read their Facebooks, MySpace, Twitters, etc. Shut off their phones, and I'd even encourage them to not read their Bible or other religious book and to just go outside and look around. To take a breath and to shut your ears and eyes for a day from all the propaganda of fear. Unfortunately that would be impossible because it's so ingrained, that we'd just discuss it with each other, even in total isolation we'd be afraid of all that we're missing out on.

A definite reprogramming is needed....after all, Roosevelt's adage was correct. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. However, it is the most powerful enemy we face. Does that make you afraid?

Easter as Metaphor Part 7

7) The Temple

Repeatedly in the Gospels, the charge that seems to tip the scale in the balance of Jesus' guilt is the accusation that he says he will tear down the Temple and rebuild it in 3 days. That is quite a matchstick to gasoline claim.

The Temple in Jerusalem seems to be quite a touchy subject. It's the center point for so many prophecies, disputes, and is a symbolic housing for God's presence. Twice torn down, the Jewish and Christian faiths look to it's third rebuilding with the thought that it will signify God's return to the world. (I have HUGE issues with this, but that is for another post.)

The second incarnation of The Temple was torn down by the Romans @ 70 CE (or AD if you wanna go old school). So if we go with the time of Christ's execution being around 33(ish) CE/AD then that is within a generation that the Temple is destroyed. Already you have a very unhappy population having to live under Roman occupation, The Temple is a symbol of their strength, a symbol that God is still amongst them in the midst of these idol worshiping outsiders. And here comes this upstart man, making claims about being the awaited Messiah, preaching to outsiders, mixing with the heathens, the unclean, etc. I can honestly understand why they were threatened by him. It wasn't a stable environment in the first place, so when accusers say Jesus threatened The Temple (whether it was a false accusation or not), well...

So what about this threat? He allegedly says that he will tear down The Temple and rebuild it in three days. That would be quite a feat since it took armies to tear it down both times, and years to rebuild it. What did this puny upstart think he was going on about? But let's remember that Christ claims to be the Temple (I think in Matthew...don't have a Bible handy right now so correct me if I'm wrong) and that is where the metaphorical comes in.

I'm sure if you were raised Christian, you have heard over and over again about our bodies being a temple and to keep the temple sacred. But I don't see this temple being a truly physical entity as more of an ethereal one. If you think of it, and again if you were raised Christian you've heard this many times, what I believe Jesus was really refering to was the "body" of the faithful. When they talk about the earthquake and the Veil of the Temple being rendered in two, I'm less inclined to believe in a physical manifestation of these events as opposed to an allegorical situation.

Think about what this act of Jesus' execution and resurrection accomplished. I'm reminded of a song I sang in a church musical once. "He took the old rules steeped in tradition, he tore the holy veil away." I admit when I originally did that musical the words didn't really mean anything but pretty poetic license, I was more focused on the rest of the song which focused on Christ's death for us all. But as I was reading the Easter story this year, it suddenly clarified for me. It's amazing how many times you can study something and every time find a new insight, at least that's one thing I love about the Bible, when I take the time to read it...

Anyway, when you take the moment of Christ's death and look at what it symbolically did then yes, it shook the foundations of everything. For those watching it must have felt like the ground beneath gave out from their grief, for the meaning of this faith that was open to only those who were considered "God's chosen" the beginnings of a great chasm was starting. In those few days, the 'veil' of the 'temple' was ripped in two. On one side was the traditional Judaism as it had always been practiced, filled with it's mysteries and sacrifices. With the leaders who were the only ones allowed to walk into the inner sanctums and know the holiest of rites. On the other was a new version that was striving to spread out and include all people. To stop hiding behind a building and walls (after all how often did Jesus preach inside of a building) and to take the faith out into the open. To draw back the curtain and reveal all the mysteries to those who wanted to believe. Not a religion of seclusion but one of inclusion. You didn't need to be born into it by earthly parents, but born into it by accepting the Heavenly Father and Son.

Though the ramifications and real strength of the religion would take years to spread and grow, in those hours, what Jesus did was tear down the 'temple' of believers who walled themselves off and rebuilt a 'temple' of believers who wanted to go out and share their word. This is all in an ideal Christian environment, of course. To get briefly into it, The Temple that houses God was never a physical building (I understand human need to have tangible objects for 'proof' but God at the sake of sounding too hippie, God is tangibly in everything around us since he created everything) but the group of believers themselves. That is where He dwells, that is where His power lies. How could a building ever house anything so powerful as God? How could man make any structure that could withstand His strength, His glory? But when we think about how we all carry a piece (we were made in His image) then that power, that glory, that strength is spread out. As a group, the faithful can hold that power.

Take a scientific approach. Let's use the overused metaphor of a rippling body of water. Drop a rock on top of a drop of water and that water will be split into other tiny particles or absorbed by the rock. Drop that same rock into a body of water like a lake or ocean and suddenly the whole can sustain the impact and spread the impact out across the larger mass so that the whole body of water takes the impact and lessens the strength of the rock's force. It is absorbed and redistributed out in ripples, but the whole remains intact. For me that is what the 'temple' of believers is. Individually we would be crushed under God's impact, but as a body, as a massive whole, we can absorb that power and spread it out. And this wouldn't be one rock dropping in, this would be a rainstorm of rocks, constantly dropping. United we stand, divided we fall. Could that be more true when standing in the way of God's awesomeness?

Getting in touch with the hippie side again, I say that the universe at large is the cathedral, we are all in the 'temple' everyday. Didn't Jesus say something along the lines of "Where two or more gather in my name, there also am I"? Everything you do you are doing in this 'temple'. Listen to the birds, feel the breeze, go out and laugh with friends, volunteer for a cause, sit in silence and meditate...whatever you do you are attending service because this church never closes. This 'temple' never shuts, the doors are never barred, there are no hidden rooms here so long as you seek. And attendance is at an all time high.

Easter as Metaphor Part 6

6) Death/Rebirth/Resurrection

Ok, so I've skipped Part 5 because I'm frankly having a hard time with that one. Lots of pent up issues...I don't know why. I've started it several times and it just turns into a tirade that really has no purpose. I'll find the issue and come back to it. So, forward we march....

This part of the Easter story is fairly simple. Christ died, he came back. But of course, it gets more complicated when you dig deeper.

Death is a way of life. Everything begins to die from the moment it starts life. Ideas, feelings, physical life itself, everything dies. But what is left in death's wake? A beginning. For every death there is a new life. In some ways this death is simply nothing more than a life change. I used to get what I would call "end of the world" feelings. I felt like life was about to end, everything was about to cease existence. It terrified me, until I recognized that these feelings came before a big change in my life. Basically, somehow, a part of me knew that the way I knew life was about to end, to die, and in it's place was going to be reborn a new chapter. The feelings are still terrifying, but now that's because I simply don't like change. That's a personal issue, though.

Christ and the Disciples were preparing to celebrate a time of death and rebirth. Passover is the season where the faithful reflect upon the Angel of Death passing over those Moses chose to share the secret with. Those slaves in Egypt so long ago marked their door with the blood of a sacrificial animal so that death would pass them over and spare their first born. So here at this time of reflection and celebration of God's mercy in sparing His people, death was about to claim a first born son. The first born Son of God, and the first born Son of Man. Not to sound heartless, but that was just too fitting. God's symmetry amazes me sometimes.

But not only was Jesus' death that of a first born, it was the death of a teacher, a leader, a friend, a force. To those who were with him, at first, it would also seem like the death of a movement, a hope, a dream. I cannot know exactly what that would feel like on such a scale, but I've known loss. Either of a loved one or a place of safety and warmth. I know what it's like to stand in that void of darkness, absolute darkness, and have no concept of what light is. You cannot see that there will ever be an end to this night. I don't even know how many times I would have to magnify that feeling to understand what Mary, Joseph or the Disciples were going through. Or even the people whose lives' Jesus touched. Lazarus, Zacchaeus, Mary Magdelene, and scores of other lepers, gentiles, Jews, women, children, etc. did those who were not there hear of the miracles later? Did they feel that death spread through their limbs like the chills we get and jokingly say "it's someone walking across your grave." ?

The Angel of Death did not spare this first born, covered in the blood of sacrifice, it came and snatched the life right out of that body and out of the souls of those that being inside the body had touched. I imagine the stillness of that death sitting on them. Unable to officially mourn their dead because of the sacred holiday, did they reflect on how perfectly that message tied into what they were all a part of now? The slaves in Egypt were led out by Moses shortly after the Angel passed and on that journey they were given a covenant with God. Ten rules to govern themselves with. They were reborn into a people under one God, The God, and would be set apart from the rest. Did they sense that history was about to repeat itself in a far grander way?

Was it the same Angel that sat on the stone? Had he held onto that soul, more precious than any treasure in the world, until it was time to return it? But if it was a part of God, then how could any being touch it and live? Was this a new Angel reborn? No longer to tell us of the death that stole over God's people, but one of life to tell us that death had been conquered, and that now it was an Angel of Life? No body in that tomb, no first born son lying and waiting for the weeping to begin. As the women ran to tell the news, as the Disciples saw their teacher again, did they know they were part of a new covenant with God?

One sacrifice to end all sacrifices. Now there was but one commandment to stand in the stead of the other ten. "Love each other as I have loved you." And unlike Moses, this time the ascension of God's chosen to Heaven was witnessed so that the new covenant could be sealed. No more was their a 'chosen people' there was simply people. In those days and moments, we were all reborn and resurrected back to the God who created us. There was no more separation, no more exile, no more 'us' and 'them'. There was, and is simply 'all.'

Our souls can go through many deaths and rebirths, the earth rotates on it's axis and dies and is resurrected over and over again. There have been times of great darkness and the world was reborn with a new light to shine upon the future. Great men have led causes, died, and those causes have been remade for those carrying on. Ideas, thoughts and lessons have been burned, ripped apart or erased only to be replaced with newly hatched concepts to fill the void. Life is nothing more than birth, death and birth. But it is the death of what we were and our rebirth in what Christ made us that breaks the cycle and conquers the pattern.