New Convenant Pt. 1

The idea of the whole 'new year' and resolution thing has kind of gone by the wayside for me. Instead I've decided that whenever you decide to renew something, do it. Today, on the day we celebrate the return of the Sun, and soon the birth of the Son, I've decided it's time to celebrate a new time for me as well.

Lately I've been struggling with the spirituality inside me vs. the one I grew up in and had accepted for so long. Not to worry, this isn't some "I've gone Wiccan" or something along those lines. Instead I've decided that I'm entering a New Covenant with God. I've taken a look at some of the decisions I made growing up, examined their reasons, and am deciding whether those still stand. If God could make a new covenant with the World, then I can make a new one on a personal level as well.

No, it's not a coincidence that my approaching my 35th birthday is a catalyst. I think that's a good age to re-examine yourself and see where you stand. For me, some of that is tied into decisions I made when I was a different person and for all the reasons that no longer stand.

The first would be my decision to abstain from alcohol. I decided very young that I would never drink. Never. Growing up Southern Baptist it wasn't hard since I was told how it was a path to sin. Not that my family every told me this, they were more along the lines that excess was sin, not alcohol itself. As I hit my teens/early twenties I stuck with the decision and to this day the most I have ever imbibed is maybe ten sips (and I do mean sips) in the whole of my life. Half of those would be during communion at a local Episcopal church I go to at times.

Why did I decide this, though? Jesus drank wine, in fact one of his first recorded miracles was water to wine (and I know there were sociological reasons why people would drink alcohol in the past, that is not important at this time), so why become a teetotaler? Well, as a child it's easy to make that decision b/c you've never had it and people around you tell you how bad it is. As you get older you observe the behaviour of people when they've imbibed too much, the smell around them, the stories they tell of what 'it made them do'.

As I entered my late teens/early twenties and hit college I reaffirmed that decision and 'promised' God not to drink b/c A) I'd already promised Him, so I couldn't change my mind now right? and B) I NEVER wanted to have those stories that started or ended with "Well I was drunk". If I made a decision or if I acted in a certain way then there was going to be nothing to excuse me. It would be my decision. Plus, a lot of it was fear. Fear of going back on my word with God, fear of giving up control of myself, fear of my actions, fear of not knowing what I'd done, etc.

Now, I'm starting to separate the fear from the responsibility. I've decided that one part of my New Covenant is not that I will never drink alcohol, but that I will do so wisely. I will never use it as an emotional crutch, I will never do so in excess, I will never have reason to use it as an excuse for reckless behaviour or decisions. I will only drink when I want, if I want.

Part of this New Covenant I want to enter into is letting go of the fear and this feeling of "clenching" or "walling" up that I've felt for years. It's refreshing to know that the decision is mine based on maturity and not because of "Well can't back out now" or "Have no choice but to stick with it." It's freeing to know that I can if I want, but I don't have any desire to rush out and do so.

I want to make decisions now based on them being right for me and for my life and not because of the wrong kind of fear. A lot of those things I "promised" or "gave up" to God, I did so because I was afraid of them, not Him, but them. I was afraid of letting go of control, they were an excuse to keep myself 'safe'. They weren't honestly because I saw them as huge sins (well as a kid I did, but that mind set has long since passed)against God, but a way to hide.

Oh, there was some of the 'right' reasons in there, but as I look back that wasn't the majority of the reason. There was no healthy fear of God, but abject terror. There wasn't a mature mind behind the decisions, but a lemming taking the leap because everyone else did. I don't regret making that choice. I'm still really glad I don't have those stories, those excuses, but it's time to really think about what my spirituality is, how God is a part of that, and who I am now.

This New Covenant is about a rebirth of myself, the part of me "made in His image" that is walking today. It won't be some earth shattering change, but it will shake the foundations of my self. It's a rebuilding of this temple that I am, it's been gradually happening for a few years, so the next steps are coming. Time to clear the clutter of past thoughts and things I was told, and time to purchase new ideas and understandings based on what I learn and see through my own study.

For the first time I really feel like I've taken a full breath.

Musings about the Devil....

So I was recently reading a young adult novel and in it the main kids are two characters who have spent lifetimes trying to be together only to end tragically with the girls death every time she reaches 17 and they've found each other. Basically the boy is a fallen angel, and there are others with him who walk the earth fighting for good against the ones who are fighting for evil and his falling in love with a human girl was part of his downfall. Don't ask me why, but after reading the book I was up for the better part of the night trying to figure out what bothered me most. I've never liked stories where angels fall for humans, because I just don't see how it can happen, but then they obviously have to have some foibles in order for The Fall to have happened right? So then I started thinking about that, and then I started wondering about Satan, the Devil, Lucifer, etc. in the Bible.

We all know the images associated with this entity...the serpent in the Garden, Dante's great horned beast, the tempter, burning pits, sulfur, etc. but who is this character really? In Job, we all assume it's Satan talking to God, but then we're taught that all who follow Satan, like demons, can't get near God. So what's the truth? Why is this character called the Morningstar? Isn't the day usually associated with God and the night with Lucifer? Isn't the temptation of Christ a basic redo of Job? Here's a guy who will follow God no matter what, and here's this character trying to tempt him away, to get him to turn his back, only this time they're using vanity against the believer instead of suffering. Far more effective I think, which makes Jesus' refusal all the more powerful.

Then I started to think about this great Fall we hear about. I learned that it was a disagreement between God and this angel Lucifer (who in some versions is the most beloved angel). God wanted man to have freewill and Lucifer thought that was crazy, why not just make them bow down and worship God? So then words are exchanged, sides are chosen, a war ensues, and we get God and the good guys on one side and Lucifer and the bad guys on the other. Which then starts to raise all sorts of questions about the angels having freewill. It's a mess. And there are other versions of the story I'm sure.

The more I ponder it, though, the more confused I get. I've lived with this image of Satan for so long I've just blindly accepted what I've been told, but it has to be much deeper than that. For instance where did we get the story for the great Heavenly falling out? Why would any angel question God? Why would any want to leave Heaven? How could you possibly find humans so interesting after being in God's presence? What does that mean about Hell really? Is it only the absence of God's presence? After all the whole pit of burning, etc. idea didn't come around until much later and most of our 'visions' come straight from Dante's Inferno.

So who is this character of ultimate evil that evidently still has conversations with God? What is their purpose? Are they really working against God or are they misunderstood as the ultimate 'tester' of our determination to follow God in all things? What if like the Holy Spirit this character is sent out to speak to us, but instead of giving us God's words of instruction and comfort, they are sent out to test our mettle. To ask the questions that will lead us toward or away from salvation. And remember, in Job this character is specifically told that they can torture the faithful all they want but cannot kill them. I've always believed that Lucifer doesn't sit in some dark burning pit waiting for our souls, but that they walk the earth everyday whispering in our ears. But how much further does it go? And why am I suddenly making this a conspiracy theory?

Seems fitting to ponder at this time, though, as Halloween approaches. Will definitely have to delve into this mythos a little more to see how it all started, what did the early 'chosen' believe, how did later generations and then Christianity change that perception?

My brain hurts....

Blogmania...

Today and tomorrow mark Blogmania. A two day event across the blogging world with give-a-ways and the chance to discover new blogs. I'm joined many...paranormal reading inspired of course...but there are some great food and craft inspired ones as well. But for me it's all about books, books, books.

Speaking of...went to the Bible to help with this professional depression thing. Most verses aren't really things that would lift you up vs. making you feel more like a brat for whining, but I did find Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a HOPE. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."

I'm finding Jeremiah and I getting along rather well, as I did with Ecclesiastes. Ok, off to do more work and then more blog following!!!!

The Slippery Slope of Selfishness

Something I find hard to do when I am at my most vulnerable is to keep from getting so bogged down in the pity party that I can't see the blessings. But there are times that I think it's ok to give in...just for a while. Let the darkness consume you, let the illness run it's course, and then you come out stronger...right?

I confess I've hit a wall and found my soul is a little sick at the moment. Job hunting, hating the fact that I have to work two and so ready to quit retail it physically makes me ill, all contribute to the pity party I'm throwing myself right now. I'm being diligent, I'm hunting for a job every day, I'm picking my hours up at the bookstore to act like I care, but I don't. I'm done. Stick a fork in me done.

I've cried in my pillow, I've gotten angry, I've had a long hard chat at God (not with Him b/c I was just venting and sometimes you just need to vent and not have the listener answer back. Who would understand that better than my Creator?), I've looked at myself and felt like a looser, fed up with myself and my life, and in the end I don't really feel better or worse for it. Just kind of empty. I think I've lost the ability to care at the moment and I'm just numb.

I try to tell myself that there is more to this life, I have amazing friends and a wonderful family, I have a roof over my head, food on my table...Psalm 23 is springing to mind...but in the end I think I'm just needing to hit bottom before I can climb out. Maybe not the most "I trust in the Lord so I will not despair" attitude, but if he is the loving God I've come to know then He understands, not to say He won't have a word or two about it with me later, like when everything turns out well and He looks at me and says "Why did you despair and doubt?", but for now it's a rainy day in my soul.

Into Everyone's Life a Little Rain

So it I've let life get in my way...again. Not a new theme for me. Oddly enough, though, I think I see the lesson this time rather than wonder at it. After all I've been saying for a couple months now "I'm not going to worry, it will all be taken care of"...now I'm getting to prove the fact.

I was set to have my cake and eat it, too. My manager left the company I'm working for and I was poised to finally be hired and get a substantial raise, to finally be able to quit my part time job of nearly 3 years, and to finally look into making a dent into my debt....I was flying high....and then the bottom fell out. Not only did I discover that I'm not being hired, but they are actually letting me go at the end of the month. I'm a contractor/temp even though I've worked full time for over a year, but as such that means no severance, nothing for all the hard work I've put in. The day I leave here is the day I leave a steady paycheck. Then I found out that the benefits I've had through my part time job would probably go away because no one has the hours to sustain me right now. So I'll be losing my job, my health insurance and any vacation pay I could have gotten.

I admit I sobbed when I found out, then I got really angry, then numb (your basic mourning process) and then a little voice spoke up and said "Isn't it you who has been saying you trust that it will all work out?" and I suddenly realized I wasn't doing that so I decided to just let it go and let it all work itself out. That doesn't mean I'm not going to go out there and work at finding another job, but I've found peace in the knowledge that God will take me to whatever path I'm supposed to go down. It will all work out.

A Rebellious Body is a Blessing Reminder

I've been battling the stomach flu since last Monday, so a little over a week now. I've dropped nearly 10 pounds because all I've been able to eat are popsicles, toast, little bits of yogurt and water/gatorade. Now, loosing weight is fabulous, and I can always stand to loose a few pounds but this is kind of like cheating. I want to earn those pounds through good diet and exercise, not having by body reject everything I put in it ;P

This morning I woke up feeling sorry for myself and angry at my body. "Why can't you just get over this already!?!?!?!" I keep mentally screaming at it. I miss my coffee, tea, fat (LOL). I don't like feeling like a prisoner to something I should be in control over. These things really show you how your body is just a shell letting they 'you' visit for a while and make use of it, but 'you' are not fully in control.

So in the midst of my moping and mental screaming during my drive to work I had two very good examples of why this is merely a mild inconvenience and I should have patience. The first was the homeless man I see every day on the same corner in the mornings. He always has the same "Please help, hungry" sign, walks the same two lanes of traffic. Everyday I feel equal parts guilty for not giving him money or my lunch if I brought it, and detached in wondering how he got there and how much does his pride suffer to beg like that (if he still has any pride at this point). Today, that little voice in me said "Look, he's hungry everyday and you've only faced this a week. By next week you'll probably be getting fat and happy again, and he'll still be looking for a meal." Ok. Point one for the voice.

Then on the radio the morning show I was listening to went on to talk about this woman who (along with her daughter) was a victim of a violent hit and run nearly two years ago. Neither were expected to survive it was so bad, but thankfully they both did. The daughter is fully recovered but the mom is still having problems. She's lost her house, her job, her child support. She has no money, no place to really live, and the treatments she needs she can't afford because her health insurance is refusing to pay. Without these treatments, the bones in both her legs will never heal. They've been broken for nearly two years now, but her nerves are rebelling and the healing process can't begin until the nerves are healed.

Needless to say, my pity party quickly faded in the face of these two examples. My body is going through a minor inconvenience but by next week or the next I'll be fine. I have two jobs, a great apartment, income, food, clothes, great friends, a mom I know I can ask for help if needed (not needed but she offers anyway, bless her), I am not without means or things. I am well and truly blessed beyond anything I could comprehend or probably deserve, so I have to just suck it up and remember that this will pass, for others it won't.

That doesn't mean I won't lapse into the pity party every now and then, but for today I've learned my lesson :)

The Danger of Rapture

Ever since I was a child, anytime a lot of world events happened all at once, everyone would start claiming "The End of the World." Inevitably talk would turn to The Rapture, and how we needed to be on watch and prepared so that we would be counted in that number. I lived under this illusion for years, but that is exactly what Rapture is...an illusion.

There is no Biblical basis for this phenomenon except in one text. 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 which mentions some vagueness about the dead being called to Heaven first and then those who are still living, but it never says that then everyone else is left behind to go through anything. Plus you have to remember that they all thought the Kingdom of Heaven was coming right then. This concept never appears in the book of Revelation, which most Christians see as the outline for the 'end times.' Read that book and you find we are all in this to the bitter end.

So where does this ever popular myth come from? Most of the concepts of Rapture are fairly recent, starting with great popularity around the mid to late 1600's in America and really taking off toward the mid 1700's (not surprisingly the time where America was trying to fight against the British Monarchy). The first real popular proponents, at least that I've really seen, were a father and son team, the Mathers (Increase and Cotton - yes those are their real names). Cotton, the son, was a Puritan minister in Boston at the time of the Salem Witch Trials and was a very prolific writer of theology for his day, but you can see where his influence is going, right? Puritan fundamentalist, witch trial proponent, c'mon. Then there is Edward Irving, a Scottish minister in the early 1800's (coincidentally after the 2nd Scottish uprisng, American Revolution, the Napoleonic Wars, and many 'epidemics') who was quite involved with thoughts of prophecy, spiritualism and the Apocalypse (he wrote several sermons and lectures on the subject). He was really the first to truly push the thought of a 2 stage return of Christ. The Rapture, then the final coming for those left behind after the Antichrist had risen in power. I'm not quite certain, but he may also have been the preacher who got the concept from a little girl in his congregation who told him about a dream she had where God took all the good people up to Heaven and left everyone else to suffer.

From Irving many of the huge proponents of this thought can be traced back to his teachings. Tim LaHaye, the author of that popular fantasy series Left Behind, uses the concept as outlined in great detail from the Scoffield Bible. A Bible written around the beginnings of the 20th century, right around World War 1 and the devastating Spanish Influenza epidemic. Not to mention we'd just gone through the Age of Reason, Age of Enlightenment, Gilded Age and all these 'ages' that seemed to promise a new and shiny era for humanity, and we can see how that went.

It seems to me, after delving into the concept, that it is a dangerous myth. I believe it is an excuse for Christians to become lazy and isolated from the world. It negates us having to really fight for the future of God's creation because we are constantly holding out that we'll see His return in our lifetime (of course that concept has been around since the inception of the religion). Statistically the number of births among Christian households has declined significantly in the past few years. We are giving birth to less believers, while other religions are growing and thriving (this isn't a call for everyone to go out and mate like rabbits, just trying to make a point). I know a lot of Christians among my acquaintance will say it's because they can't fathom bringing another soul into this world, especially since it will be over soon. *Sigh*

If the whole of Christendom had never heard of this concept of Rapture, how different do you think things would be? Instead of saying, "Oh well they can screw up the planet as much as they want because I won't be here to suffer since I'm going to be called to Heaven before then", would we be trying harder to fix the problems around us? Christ mentions the "end of the age" (not world) and no where in his teachings does he say that we won't all suffer. Oh no, under his teachings we're in this for the long haul.

I also find it worrisome that talks of these concepts are always around times of great uncertainity and superstition. Each millennium, every time there is an illness epidemic, war, natural disasters, the list goes on, these always seem to be the trigger. To my knowledge I've never heard anyone say "Wow, the world is going along pretty peacefully, I hope Rapture comes today." Granted we've never been at absolute peace, but you get the idea. It seems that in times of great distress we'd rather turn our backs on the hardships and hope God just carries us away (kind of like those old Calgon commercials. The lady has had a hard day so she jumps in the bubble bath of Calgon soap and says "Calgon take me away.") that way we don't have to deal with it.

I personally shall take my views from Christ, we're all in this together, every bitter trial and ecstatic triumph. No one will get to escape, it negates the thought of a merciful God that He'd only take a few and let the rest suffer. If that was the case, then why should I even bother with other people? Shouldn't I be looking only to myself? Or if I do help others, am I doing it because I truly want to help or because I want it to look good on my Heavenly resume? If we all took a little time to forget this concept and to focus on actually doing beneficial things and working at helping a hurting world, then in a way wouldn't there be a sort of Rapturous delight in a world that is thriving in a positive and wonderful light? How Rapturous would it be to see everyone getting along and working together, to see that we can reverse the damage and hate we've created in this world? That's the true Rapture to me, the day of peace amongst God's creation. Nothing could be more Rapturous than that.

The negative "Image"

Back in the 'old' days, before digital, photographs were developed from negatives. My mother used to do touch ups on them for school portraits, wedding photos, etc. I remember sitting near her while she worked. She had a board that lit up and the photo's negative would sit over that light so she could see every little imperfection lit up on the image. I remember looking at those images while she painted over the blemishes, so that once the negative image was turned into an actual portrait all acne, wrinkles, dark eye circles, etc. would be gone. I was always fascinated by the negative image. It was sinister and fascinating in ways. All that black with the eyes and teeth showing up a frightening whitish color, the outline of the person in some creepy green hue. It was like looking at the monster within.

We've heard all our lives, no matter who you are or what you believe, that humanity was made in God's image. It is definitely a newer way of looking at the divine. Our ancestors made gods in our image, giving them anthropomorphic characteristics so we might understand why things happened. Good and bad. They lusted, hated, sought vengeance, loved, cried, and ran through all of humanities emotions. Despite what some would believe, Christians still carry that tradition on with our humanizing of God. We describe Him in the Bible as jealous, wrathful, loving, merciful, and any number of human emotions so we can understand His actions. The difference is that we believe that our traits are handed down from the divine, but what I've always heard described was the positive photograph. The complete picture minus the flaws, which were touched up when they were a negative, but to me, our souls once they leave this earth will be the complete and touched up picture. What we are while we are here is the negative, that sinister looking flipside with all the dark, eerie outlines.

Many Christians, or God faithful people, talk of how we should strive to be like God. But if we are made in His image, how are we not already like Him in ways? What they should specify is that we should strive to be the loving image, because we have the other image down pat.

Reading the Old Testament, what strikes me is how vengeful and unforgiving God is. He wipes out entire civilizations (which have never existed again, just like He said), He punishes those who displease him down to the third and fourth generation, He allowed the exiles from Egypt to wander for years in a desert because they displeased Him. He flooded the entire world and wiped out nearly all of His creation to punish the sins that had been carried down from Cain. He does not forget, and is slow to forgive. Over and over we hear words to that affect. This is the image of God mankind has always carried.

Ask my family what I was like as a child, and my parents will tell you, I came out of the womb angry. I've always been quick to anger and once it's out it burns long and bright. In my heart I never truly forget any wrong done to me, I constantly think out scenarios to punish those who have hurt me. That dark negative is deeply ingrained, suppressed over the years, but deeply ingrained. I've always joked that it's a good thing I am not divinely powerful because my wrath would wipe out civilizations, but it's not really a joke. I am very much in touch with the burden of carrying that image of God inside me. The weight of the decisions to destroy or to hold back that reflex. I finally understood that my horror at God in the Old Testament doesn't come from what He does, but from that place deep inside that relishes and sees the justice of it.

The dichotomy of my personality has always run to the opposite extremes. On one hand I have a very great need to see justice and punishment handed out in accordance with Hamurabi's Code (eye for eye), while on the other I want that great forgiveness that comes from the Savior and to see all redeemed and saved in the end. I want very much to know that people are suffering in eternal fires of damnation, while hoping that at the last second they repented so they could know what love is. Sometimes the opposing extremes are maddening.

But is it right to truly suppress the negative so much? Look at history and see what waiting and allowing tensions to boil over does. Wars break out from the littlest insult because so much of the anger and resentment had been suppressed for so long. Like a dormant volcano, or faultline, the pressure just builds and builds until it can't be contained and then it explodes. Looking at the whole picture of human history, how are we different from the God of the Old Testament? Do we not wipe out civilizations? Have we not tried to destroy entire races of people? Are we not still trying to do this? If a group does not see the world through the eyes we do, are we not inclined to try and suppress, if not outright destroy them? Do we not hold the sins of the parents against their young and even their young? Do we not want to create and shape this world into our image of it?

Looking back through time, what emerges to me is not the picture, but it's negative. There are attempts to conceal the bad, touch up the blemishes, cover the flaws, but the negative does not lie because it is humanity who is trying to touch up the negative. What we need to understand is that God did not hold back any of Himself, the moment Adam and Eve took in knowledge, they took it all in. Unlike Pandora's box, nothing was held back. We became capable of great evil and even greater good. Being made in God's image meant that we inherited everything. For some the dominant trait of those genetics is love and compassion, for some like me, it is wrath and vengeance.

Does this make me a bad Christian to hold these feelings and thoughts? Some say that the thought is comparable to the action, that wishing something in your heart is like it actually happened. I disagree with this completely. I think the action speaks far louder than the feelings. Even Jesus showed anger in the Temple, even he shouted and struck out. I do believe that feeling the extreme edge of anger and emotions equal to that can be damaging to a person's spirit, and make them more apt to be unkind to others, surly and sullen. It can place you in a very lonely and frightening place. But being able to feel these emotions and to control them is a sign of strength to me, and a sign of your faith in God. A testament that you trust that God's control is greater than yours, His wisdom is far superior, His actions more justified. It also helps me to understand His frightening and awesome power. To see this side of myself and know that in Him it is magnified more times than I could comprehend, and to think of how he allows us to choose and live for ourselves, makes me even more appreciative of His mercy. Takes me to my knees in thankful reverence.

The negative image is what we all reflect, because we are all sinners. I don't care how 'righteous' you believe you are, you are a sinner and therefore no better than anyone else. My daily struggle, though, is to not let that negative be the final image. What I strive for is to try and allow God to touch me up so that when I finally emerge as a finished photo, I am blemish and flaw free.

Fear makes the world go round....

For as long as I can remember I have been afraid. Of what? Everything. Life, death, work, play...it's all caused fear. Why? The really self righteous would say it's because I don't trust God, or because I know that I'm not ready to face Him, and for a long time deep in my heart I believed that. Then I started to look at things, really look at things. Everything around us is made to instill fear. Every form of media, every organization, every form of entertainment...we are conditioned to fear. Because through fear we are controlled.

From the time we are children our parents used fear to make us behave. Fear of punishment, fear of getting injured, fear of disappointing our families, our selves and God. The news (tv and print) thrives on fear. We keep watching in order to know what we need to fear. Even your friends sell fear. Look at their Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. statuses and see how many have posted some political, evangelical, or scientific story that is about something we should fear. We fear oppression, taxes, government, technology, lack of technology, illness, health, knowledge, lack of knowledge. We fear meeting new people, losing those we love, starting a new job, losing the one we have, getting older, staying young. There are even sounds created to instill fear - fire alarms, police/ambulance sirens, that annoying Emergency Broadcast System buzzer. We fear everything.

Even the holiest of books, The Bible, spreads fear if read and interpreted in that context. Take the book of Revelation in the New Testament, or look at Isaiah in the Old Testament. Look at the warnings, the signs, the omens of bad times or the end times. Entire passages and books are written specifically toward fear. So how can anyone tell me that to fear is to turn my back on God, when "God's book" is full of things I should fear?

Because ultimately, deep down in the root of us, biologically speaking, we have learned that fear is the best way to control. In nature, the animals that are the most feared are the most effective predators. In business and politics the more that you are taught to fear the competition or the other party's agendas the more you are controlled by the company or party you belong to. The more you fear a person or group, the more control they have over you. We speak of terrorism in this day and age as if it's a new concept, like it's never happened on this scale before. That's a lie. It's not the concept that is new, it's the means of spreading it's word that has evolved. How much power would so called "terrorists" have if no one ever reported on their activities? (and granted I'm taking out the mass destruction factors that are at everyone's disposal nowadays, this is all theoretical) Do you think the Roman Empire would have spread so wide if they hadn't been feared? The Babylonians? The Nazis? What about conquerors like Alexander the Great? Ghengis Khan? Do you think the Cold War would have really been so big a deal if we weren't constantly being told about how afraid we were supposed to be? Any war for that matter.

My point is that fear makes the world go round. Not money, not love, because we fear losing or possessing those things. Count how many things you read, see or hear today that are geared toward making you afraid. It could be a news article, your friend talking about some extremist political or religious movement, your job whispering about cutbacks, scientists talking about the earth's environment changing.

What about books, songs or movies. How many of us love a good scary story or film? How many songs are written about things we should fear? Think of popular children's songs like "Ring around the Rosies" which is all about plague or "London Bridge is Falling Down" which is about political upheaval. Television shows about crime detection, movies with monsters that haunt us, books (fiction and non) about all the horrible things out there.

What I have discovered, for myself, is that it's not what is out there but how you look at it. A reprogramming of the mind is in order. It's not easy, I've been battling this for years and am still struggling, but it's necessary. I've decided that I'm tired of letting all this fear mongering control me. I'm stepping back from everything and taking a new look. For once my rational must win over my irrational. Fearing is not turning my back on God but giving in to my programming. I even have to change the way I look at the Bible. As blasphemous as some may see it, I have to look at the fact that all words contained in that book were put there by men. God may have given them the words, but like that child's game of telephone, I believe something got lost in translation or at least in interpretation.

For a long time I've considered the only way to escape this control was to cut myself off from the sources. I stopped watching the news, discussing politics, I even stopped going to church because I got tired of the fear preached from the pulpits. I stopped reading the Bible because I didn't want to read about the omens and signs, the wretched things that happened to those who God did not favor. I stopped reading or listening to things dealing with my religion because I was tired of all the "the end is nigh" messages. I admit that in some ways it has worked. It has allowed me to free my mind a wee bit. It's allowed me to take a breath of air and dissect what I was really seeing and hearing. But it's not a way to sustain, so now the hard task of plugging myself back into this system comes. I admit, I'm afraid of that, but really what is there to fear?

Words cannot hurt me unless I allow them to. Stories are just stories, movies are just movies, the news is nothing more than someone's interpretation of events. Earthquakes, storms, volcanoes, plagues, are just natural forces that have always occurred. Ultimately what it comes down to, what the fear leads you to, is the realization that your physical life is finite. That is the scariest thought of all.

If I could I'd declare a world wide "Ignore the Fear" day. I'd urge everyone to not watch the news or read news articles, to stay home from their jobs, to not read their Facebooks, MySpace, Twitters, etc. Shut off their phones, and I'd even encourage them to not read their Bible or other religious book and to just go outside and look around. To take a breath and to shut your ears and eyes for a day from all the propaganda of fear. Unfortunately that would be impossible because it's so ingrained, that we'd just discuss it with each other, even in total isolation we'd be afraid of all that we're missing out on.

A definite reprogramming is needed....after all, Roosevelt's adage was correct. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. However, it is the most powerful enemy we face. Does that make you afraid?

Easter as Metaphor Part 7

7) The Temple

Repeatedly in the Gospels, the charge that seems to tip the scale in the balance of Jesus' guilt is the accusation that he says he will tear down the Temple and rebuild it in 3 days. That is quite a matchstick to gasoline claim.

The Temple in Jerusalem seems to be quite a touchy subject. It's the center point for so many prophecies, disputes, and is a symbolic housing for God's presence. Twice torn down, the Jewish and Christian faiths look to it's third rebuilding with the thought that it will signify God's return to the world. (I have HUGE issues with this, but that is for another post.)

The second incarnation of The Temple was torn down by the Romans @ 70 CE (or AD if you wanna go old school). So if we go with the time of Christ's execution being around 33(ish) CE/AD then that is within a generation that the Temple is destroyed. Already you have a very unhappy population having to live under Roman occupation, The Temple is a symbol of their strength, a symbol that God is still amongst them in the midst of these idol worshiping outsiders. And here comes this upstart man, making claims about being the awaited Messiah, preaching to outsiders, mixing with the heathens, the unclean, etc. I can honestly understand why they were threatened by him. It wasn't a stable environment in the first place, so when accusers say Jesus threatened The Temple (whether it was a false accusation or not), well...

So what about this threat? He allegedly says that he will tear down The Temple and rebuild it in three days. That would be quite a feat since it took armies to tear it down both times, and years to rebuild it. What did this puny upstart think he was going on about? But let's remember that Christ claims to be the Temple (I think in Matthew...don't have a Bible handy right now so correct me if I'm wrong) and that is where the metaphorical comes in.

I'm sure if you were raised Christian, you have heard over and over again about our bodies being a temple and to keep the temple sacred. But I don't see this temple being a truly physical entity as more of an ethereal one. If you think of it, and again if you were raised Christian you've heard this many times, what I believe Jesus was really refering to was the "body" of the faithful. When they talk about the earthquake and the Veil of the Temple being rendered in two, I'm less inclined to believe in a physical manifestation of these events as opposed to an allegorical situation.

Think about what this act of Jesus' execution and resurrection accomplished. I'm reminded of a song I sang in a church musical once. "He took the old rules steeped in tradition, he tore the holy veil away." I admit when I originally did that musical the words didn't really mean anything but pretty poetic license, I was more focused on the rest of the song which focused on Christ's death for us all. But as I was reading the Easter story this year, it suddenly clarified for me. It's amazing how many times you can study something and every time find a new insight, at least that's one thing I love about the Bible, when I take the time to read it...

Anyway, when you take the moment of Christ's death and look at what it symbolically did then yes, it shook the foundations of everything. For those watching it must have felt like the ground beneath gave out from their grief, for the meaning of this faith that was open to only those who were considered "God's chosen" the beginnings of a great chasm was starting. In those few days, the 'veil' of the 'temple' was ripped in two. On one side was the traditional Judaism as it had always been practiced, filled with it's mysteries and sacrifices. With the leaders who were the only ones allowed to walk into the inner sanctums and know the holiest of rites. On the other was a new version that was striving to spread out and include all people. To stop hiding behind a building and walls (after all how often did Jesus preach inside of a building) and to take the faith out into the open. To draw back the curtain and reveal all the mysteries to those who wanted to believe. Not a religion of seclusion but one of inclusion. You didn't need to be born into it by earthly parents, but born into it by accepting the Heavenly Father and Son.

Though the ramifications and real strength of the religion would take years to spread and grow, in those hours, what Jesus did was tear down the 'temple' of believers who walled themselves off and rebuilt a 'temple' of believers who wanted to go out and share their word. This is all in an ideal Christian environment, of course. To get briefly into it, The Temple that houses God was never a physical building (I understand human need to have tangible objects for 'proof' but God at the sake of sounding too hippie, God is tangibly in everything around us since he created everything) but the group of believers themselves. That is where He dwells, that is where His power lies. How could a building ever house anything so powerful as God? How could man make any structure that could withstand His strength, His glory? But when we think about how we all carry a piece (we were made in His image) then that power, that glory, that strength is spread out. As a group, the faithful can hold that power.

Take a scientific approach. Let's use the overused metaphor of a rippling body of water. Drop a rock on top of a drop of water and that water will be split into other tiny particles or absorbed by the rock. Drop that same rock into a body of water like a lake or ocean and suddenly the whole can sustain the impact and spread the impact out across the larger mass so that the whole body of water takes the impact and lessens the strength of the rock's force. It is absorbed and redistributed out in ripples, but the whole remains intact. For me that is what the 'temple' of believers is. Individually we would be crushed under God's impact, but as a body, as a massive whole, we can absorb that power and spread it out. And this wouldn't be one rock dropping in, this would be a rainstorm of rocks, constantly dropping. United we stand, divided we fall. Could that be more true when standing in the way of God's awesomeness?

Getting in touch with the hippie side again, I say that the universe at large is the cathedral, we are all in the 'temple' everyday. Didn't Jesus say something along the lines of "Where two or more gather in my name, there also am I"? Everything you do you are doing in this 'temple'. Listen to the birds, feel the breeze, go out and laugh with friends, volunteer for a cause, sit in silence and meditate...whatever you do you are attending service because this church never closes. This 'temple' never shuts, the doors are never barred, there are no hidden rooms here so long as you seek. And attendance is at an all time high.

Easter as Metaphor Part 6

6) Death/Rebirth/Resurrection

Ok, so I've skipped Part 5 because I'm frankly having a hard time with that one. Lots of pent up issues...I don't know why. I've started it several times and it just turns into a tirade that really has no purpose. I'll find the issue and come back to it. So, forward we march....

This part of the Easter story is fairly simple. Christ died, he came back. But of course, it gets more complicated when you dig deeper.

Death is a way of life. Everything begins to die from the moment it starts life. Ideas, feelings, physical life itself, everything dies. But what is left in death's wake? A beginning. For every death there is a new life. In some ways this death is simply nothing more than a life change. I used to get what I would call "end of the world" feelings. I felt like life was about to end, everything was about to cease existence. It terrified me, until I recognized that these feelings came before a big change in my life. Basically, somehow, a part of me knew that the way I knew life was about to end, to die, and in it's place was going to be reborn a new chapter. The feelings are still terrifying, but now that's because I simply don't like change. That's a personal issue, though.

Christ and the Disciples were preparing to celebrate a time of death and rebirth. Passover is the season where the faithful reflect upon the Angel of Death passing over those Moses chose to share the secret with. Those slaves in Egypt so long ago marked their door with the blood of a sacrificial animal so that death would pass them over and spare their first born. So here at this time of reflection and celebration of God's mercy in sparing His people, death was about to claim a first born son. The first born Son of God, and the first born Son of Man. Not to sound heartless, but that was just too fitting. God's symmetry amazes me sometimes.

But not only was Jesus' death that of a first born, it was the death of a teacher, a leader, a friend, a force. To those who were with him, at first, it would also seem like the death of a movement, a hope, a dream. I cannot know exactly what that would feel like on such a scale, but I've known loss. Either of a loved one or a place of safety and warmth. I know what it's like to stand in that void of darkness, absolute darkness, and have no concept of what light is. You cannot see that there will ever be an end to this night. I don't even know how many times I would have to magnify that feeling to understand what Mary, Joseph or the Disciples were going through. Or even the people whose lives' Jesus touched. Lazarus, Zacchaeus, Mary Magdelene, and scores of other lepers, gentiles, Jews, women, children, etc. did those who were not there hear of the miracles later? Did they feel that death spread through their limbs like the chills we get and jokingly say "it's someone walking across your grave." ?

The Angel of Death did not spare this first born, covered in the blood of sacrifice, it came and snatched the life right out of that body and out of the souls of those that being inside the body had touched. I imagine the stillness of that death sitting on them. Unable to officially mourn their dead because of the sacred holiday, did they reflect on how perfectly that message tied into what they were all a part of now? The slaves in Egypt were led out by Moses shortly after the Angel passed and on that journey they were given a covenant with God. Ten rules to govern themselves with. They were reborn into a people under one God, The God, and would be set apart from the rest. Did they sense that history was about to repeat itself in a far grander way?

Was it the same Angel that sat on the stone? Had he held onto that soul, more precious than any treasure in the world, until it was time to return it? But if it was a part of God, then how could any being touch it and live? Was this a new Angel reborn? No longer to tell us of the death that stole over God's people, but one of life to tell us that death had been conquered, and that now it was an Angel of Life? No body in that tomb, no first born son lying and waiting for the weeping to begin. As the women ran to tell the news, as the Disciples saw their teacher again, did they know they were part of a new covenant with God?

One sacrifice to end all sacrifices. Now there was but one commandment to stand in the stead of the other ten. "Love each other as I have loved you." And unlike Moses, this time the ascension of God's chosen to Heaven was witnessed so that the new covenant could be sealed. No more was their a 'chosen people' there was simply people. In those days and moments, we were all reborn and resurrected back to the God who created us. There was no more separation, no more exile, no more 'us' and 'them'. There was, and is simply 'all.'

Our souls can go through many deaths and rebirths, the earth rotates on it's axis and dies and is resurrected over and over again. There have been times of great darkness and the world was reborn with a new light to shine upon the future. Great men have led causes, died, and those causes have been remade for those carrying on. Ideas, thoughts and lessons have been burned, ripped apart or erased only to be replaced with newly hatched concepts to fill the void. Life is nothing more than birth, death and birth. But it is the death of what we were and our rebirth in what Christ made us that breaks the cycle and conquers the pattern.

Easter as Metaphot Part 4

4) The Denial:

How many times have you sat around with your really close friends and said "I'll never turn my back on you." "We'll be friends forever, I don't care what anyone says." Although, I'm sure more colorful language than that is being used. Have you ever had a friend betray you? Did they go behind your back and cheat with your boy/girlfriend? Did they steal an idea from you and pass it off as their own? Did they lay the blame on you for something they did? Have you ever had your mettle as a true friend tested? I can say that I have experienced betrayal. I can't really say if I've been truly tested. After all I've lived a pretty cushy life. I didn't grow up in an urban area where gangs and drugs were a part of my life. I wasn't raised in a country where I had to watch what I say or who I say it to. I've never lived on the streets or had to beg for anything. I've had it disgustingly easy.

Which is why I find it hard to really judge Peter for what he did. I think for many it's so easy to dismiss his actions in the face of knowledge, but if you didn't know the outcome, can you really say you might not have done the same in his place? Here you are, with a group of friends one of whom you really believe in as a leader for a great cause, you know that in some ways what he says is seditious toward the government and ruling classes, but you honestly believe in his principles. You've left home for him, nearly starved with him, listened to him speak for hours and hours, visited the poor and crippled with him-and then he tells you matter of factly that you will deny that friendship. You wonder to yourself how could he possibly think you would ever turn your back if you are willing to go through so much? I don’t know about you, but for myself I can answer that I would be pissed. There’s really no other word for it. Then the law comes for him. Soldiers surround you all, you have no idea what they are after or who. Suddenly one of your buddies steps out from their midst, kisses your friend on the cheek (I wonder if this is where the Godfather got the idea), and immediately it becomes clear what their after. But is it just him or all of you? Are you considered accomplices? Brief violence breaks out, a soldier’s ear is cut off, yet amazingly instead of you all being arrested right then, your friend calms the situation and everyone disperses. The rest of you scurry, but you decide to follow and see what the deal is.

Remember this wasn't Democracy as we call it today, this was the Roman Republic. The Roman Empire that owned nearly all of the known world at that time. Soldiers were stationed in every city, dissension was highly frowned upon and their methods of dealing with those who spoke out against the government were not pretty. Crucifixion was one method that usually was only used for foreigners (since you did not barbarically execute Roman citizens-they were exiled, allowed to take their own life, or thrown off a cliff) and possibly the dregs of society. It was not an unknown method of punishment, people were very well aware of what it would be like. Brutal, thus making it a perfect deterrent.

So your friend has been taken into custody by the Romans. You see him being brought to the head religious leader, who you know is not a fan. You are surrounded by people who are probably, although I don’t recall it ever being stated, talking about your friend inside. Mob mentality can be the worst, and if the tide is against your friend it could turn ugly very quickly for you should you be discovered. Then some girl points at you and says "Hey, your friends with that guy, I've seen you hanging out with him." What do you do?

It's easy to stand back and say "I'd say 'Yes I Am!'" but really put yourself in Peter's place. You don't know what's going on. You're at the enemies’ door. You're surrounded by strangers, not friends or people who support you. You are in a lion's den standing on the ground of the very people who you have been listening to this man preach in opposition to. He's turned their words back on them, he's defied them, he's preached thoughts and concepts that are heretical in their presence and said words that could be seen as open defiance against their authority. He has purposely gone and shared his faith with people that these men would consider unworthy. He has, in their eyes, tossed pearls before swine. He has made comments that could be seen as hostile toward the Roman Empire, though none were openly so-they could be twisted to sound that way. So what would you do? Really, honestly, truly think about it.

In that moment, all eyes are on you. Are they friendly? Are they hostile? Will they make a type of citizen's arrest and drag you before the council as well? It is a very elemental reaction when placed in this type of situation for the survival instinct to kick in. Deny and live to escape and regroup with the others. Just make it out alive and then you can go from there. At the heart of our natures we are animals and flight or fight is still as much a part of our make up as it is any other creature in the wild. We want to survive.

Even now, today, there are people who have to make this choice. Living in a country where religious freedom is taken for granted it's hard for us to understand this decision, but think about other places. History is filled with martyrs who have stood up for their beliefs and died for them, but how many more hid what they felt in their hearts in order to survive? How can I, never having lived in that situation, honestly know what I would choose to say or do? Or what about the people who denied the truth only to go on later and do great things, or save countless lives? Like those who hid Jews during the Holocaust, like those who helped slaves escape by hiding them in their homes along the Underground Railroad, like Peter.


Peter, this man who denies his friend and turns his back on him, is recognized by most as being the first real leader of the new covenant (although I have some radical thoughts, almost heretical in nature on that, but that’s a later post). Through his letters to various foundling groups in this new religion, he spread the words and kept the flame going after it appeared that it might be snuffed out. From his works, and eventual martyrdom, this fledgling little nuisance of an ideology began to become a real threat to those in charge. Not just the government, but to religious leaders as well. From spreading the words of comfort and hope to those who were despairing the Messiah’s death, he kept this revolution going and for all that came to accept the Messiah, the Christ are they not now saved? How many billions and billions of souls can we now attribute to his efforts in those days immediately following the Resurrection of the Living Son?


So how do we judge Peter’s denial? This fisher of men, the rock upon which Christ built his church? Ultimately is he not a symbol of ourselves? The ultimate repentant in some way? A man who walked with Christ, denied Christ, and then ultimately went on to lead Christ’s church, how does that not speak in some way to us all? The extremists will say that every sin is a denial of God, of our Saviour, but then we were given forgiveness so in that sense how many times have you denied Christ? Is not the very fact that you might not speak up in a crowd of people who might be making fun of Christianity not a form of denial? What about when people ask you about your faith and you kind of shrug it off or give some blasé answer…”Yeah I’m Christian but I don’t really do any of that crazy stuff you know.” That, my friend, is denial in a way. So I would say don’t judge Peter too harshly. After all, once you take a real honest look at yourself can you say that you haven’t in your own way done the same at one time? I have.

P.S. You should never be ashamed or embarrassed about your faith, even if you believe differently than the others. After all Christ was a Jew, he believed in Judaism but he also believed in some radical ideas that didn’t necessarily fall into the ‘normal’ belief system. The very spirit of rebellion is to give voice to an idea that isn’t along the lines of accepted thinking. After all, to be a Christian is to follow a rebel.

Easter as Metaphor Part 3

3)  Son  vs. Sun

Because of my major in college (Theatre) and my long term job (Bookseller) I have met a lot of people from various spiritual backgrounds, and I love that.  I find the quest for humanity to find the divine fascinating, especially when so much of our beliefs have roots in similar ideas and concepts.  For this blog I'm using the Pagan recognition of The Vernal Equinox.  The Vernal Equinox is a day of recognizing the returning of the sun after a long cold and dark Winter.  It's the return of the light, of warmth, of hope.  A time of renewal and rebirth. 

The Winter Solstice (Jeopardy trivia:  the Julian Calendar places the Winter Solstice on Dec. 25th...talk amongst yourselves) is recognized to be the darkest part of the year.  Since the Summer there has been a slow dying of life.  The earth has been rotating toward a time where all of it's creatures will face extreme hardship.  The light is being overshadowed by darkness, animals are preparing to hide away from the cruel conditions to come and those that have been proactive have been preparing themselves for this time by gathering supplies and creating shelter for themselves.   On the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, the power of this event is given it's due and people gather to light fires to chase away the dark.   But the next morning begins a slow awakening, a gradual return to light and life.   By the time the Vernal Equinox comes, flowers are generally blooming, animals have come out of their burrows, and the whole of nature is preparing to come together and create new life.  Even those of us who follow a Gregorian Calendar recognize this time by setting our clocks ahead so that there is more light in our day.  We welcome the return of the sun.

Is it any wonder that this would be the time of year that we would celebrate a rebirth and welcome a return of The Son?  I know that the events of the Crucifixion and Resurrection always coincide with Passover.  The timing (unlike Jesus' birth) is not really up for dispute, it's recorded that they were celebrating Passover, but it's times like this that I recognize how ingenious God is.  Worship of nature has been going on for much longer than any Monotheistic belief, but even those of us who worship one God still give homage to the earth at times.  Here is a perfect example of how God used the simplicity of human understanding toward getting his point across.  At least this is my interpretation of it.

First you take a time of reflection on life being passed over by death.   Like the bleak winter where nature hides away, so too did the Jews during their slavery in Moses' time.  For a time they burrowed into their homes and waited for the bleak hand of death to pass over them.  Jesus and his Disciples were observing these days as well when he was taken captive.  So now The Son has been taken and shuttered away.  For those who followed him there is a gradual darkness descending.   A time of unknown hardship is ahead.  The Bible says that at the time Jesus is taken, they scattered and I imagine most ran to ground.  To hide, to burrow in. 

What was it like for them?  This time of encroaching dark?  To not know when The Son would be released, if ever.  Then they discover that not only will he not be returned, but he has been abused, mocked, beaten and sentenced to death.  How many of them showed up to watch as The Son was slowly dying?  To see the eclipse of his light as death stole over him?  For those agonizing hours, who stood to watch the pain and suffering this man endured?  What fears and bleak wonderings were going through their minds?   Here was, what they thought, a Messiah.  Here was the man who supposed to lead a rebellion against their oppressors (namely the Roman Empire) nailed to wood, bleeding and broken.  Just a man after all.  A mother's son, like they all were.  Did the light die for them in that moment?  The shining rays of hope, did they dim and darken, did a Winter of the soul take place.  Did parts of them whither and die, like the trees, like the grass, in those moments of separation from The Son?   When he died, when they buried that shining hope in linens and placed it in a tomb, did they see a total eclipse?  Did they see the victory of darkness?  Did they think, in that moment, as we might all do in the midst of the bleakest winter, that light would never return.  That darkness had won.  That spring and it's warming glow would never come?  What must that have been like? 

Then, in the midst of this dark, at this point where it seemed that there would never be light and warmth again, comes word.   The Son is not shut away any longer.  The wraps that had enshrouded him have fallen away and the light is on the move again.  Did a slow thawing take place then?  Did those whithered and weary souls begin a slow ascension from their burrows of hiding?  As word spread did the ice of despair begin to melt into tears of joy and the dry hard ground begin to soften and open itself for the planting season? 

The Son returned to them.  He came and showed himself in his glorious shining.  For some it took time for the hope to take root.  The light was so dazzling they could only blink at it and wonder if it was just a waking dream.  Others immediately rejoiced until all saw that the light had returned to the world.  Then this light, The Son, ascends back to the Heavens.  The center of the universe that was forming outward from it, to sit in the center, while all these newly forming bodies of a different creation were forming.....I think I'm getting a bit too carried away with my symbolism here.  Sorry, am trying to return to reality now....give me a moment.   Sometime the spirit catches you, right?

I think I'll have to end this here.  I'm a bit too overcome at the moment and need some time to reflect.  Sorry if this got a little out of hand.

Easter as Metaphor Part 2

2)  The Betrayal

    Out of the entire story this is the one incident that seems completely out of place.  Or is that just me?  Everything else has a reason or at least a linear connection from point A to point B.  But where did this sudden betrayal of Judas come from?    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't recall there being a falling out between Jesus and Judas.  Did the authors of the Gospels decide to leave out that little skirmish because it didn't reflect well on Jesus?  I highly doubt that.  I've heard more theories on this than I could go into, but the most recent one suggests that Jesus himself told Judas to go and hand him over, like a covert operation if you will.   It would definitely make sense in some ways since this seemed so out of the blue, plus I don't remember it saying in the Bible "so as Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, Judas, who would be the betrayer, slipped from the other disciples who slept and went to the house of Caiaphus...." you get the picture.  And if Christ told Judas to go and turn him (Jesus) in then obviously Christ was well aware that he had every intention of doing what he could to make sure that he fulfilled the prophecies surrounding the Messiah.   Which would be some pretty controversial stuff.

Then you have to come back to the Last Supper.  Christ told the Disciples that one of them would betray him, he even told them all who that betrayer would be.  Judas says 'not me' and Jesus says 'yep you', so they were all there.  They all knew and no one tried to stop him?  What about the disciple who cut the Roman officer's ear off?  If he was so sword happy then why didn't he just run Judas through right then?  Did they think Jesus was kidding?  I don't recall him having a sense of humor like that.  So if they all knew Judas was going to betray Jesus why didn't someone follow him and then report back to the others so they could have gotten the heck our of Dodge - so to speak?  Curiouser and curiouser.

So why Judas?  Some things I have read suggests he was the money holder for the disciples so I guess it would make sense that he would be "bribed" so to speak by thirty pieces of silver.  The plot in itself was ingenious on the part of the Sanhedrin leaders who didn't want a riot on their hands, but the Judas piece really sticks out like a sore thumb.  Maybe it's all the years I've spent watching reality crime shows and learning about motives and the like that causes this dilemma.  There is no motive that is listed.  Well, I can't say that.  I believe Luke claims Satan or some deamon entered Judas and drove him to it.  Then there is Judas' death.  One Gospel says he commits suicide after trying to return his money, Acts says that he went to buy a field with it and fell and died or something along those lines.  

Plus, in some ways, he gets kind of a bad shake.  After all, his betrayal leads to the ultimate good right?  If Judas didn't hand Christ over then the prophecy never would have been fulfilled.  So we malign him but at the same time you kind of have to give him credit.  It's the ultimate love/hate relationship.  I just cannot make him fit, and like many other conundrums in the Bible, I doubt I ever will.

But to look at the metaphorical side of this part of the Easter story.  It comes down to the one basic thing that has caused mankind to destroy itself since time imemorium - money.   We've all heard that money is the root of all evil...I guess the story of Judas goes a long way to prove that since (for the Christian world) this is the ultimate betrayal, an ultimate evil.   Money gets in the way of everything.  It drives us all every moment of our lives, and how many times has it taken precedence over everything.   Have you ever, and be honest now, thought to yourself "I can't wait to get paid today so I can tithe to my church."?  If you have, than you are a better man than I am Gunga Din, because I believe most thoughts would go like "Man I can't wait until I get paid today so I can go buy that (new iThingie, book, movie, album, etc.)"   How many people do you pass on the street daily, and I'm guilty of it all time, that ask for spare change and you think to yourself "Well...I really need that to buy my lunch." or "It would take too long to dig it out and what will a few coins do anyway?"  or "I need all my quarters for laundry tonight" or "I bet they're just going to use it to buy drugs, alcohol, etc."?  

Take this into consideration:  Where would Christ and his Disciples have been if people had not helped them along the way?  Do you honestly think he walked around in pristine clothing and smelled like roses all the time?  I bet they looked like beggars in tattered clothes, having to rely on others hospitality to give them food and shelter.  And what about the fact that, to my recollection, the only time that Christ ever lost his temper was at the Temple when he saw the people there trying to make money off of God's name.  I think the term Righteous Indignation would be appropriately used for that situation. 

We have songs that celebrate money, books that tell us how to make more money, how to keep our money, we work for money, we have entire vacation spots dedicated to helping us win/lose our money.  Money makes the world go round.  Money makes us important, gives us status, gives us possessions.  In the end, though, what does money do?  You honestly cannot take it with you, nor your possessions that money bought.  And it seems that one little bit makes us hungry for more and more.  So in a way have we all carried within us a Judas mindset?  If Christ was that beggar shaking a cup or holding a sign and asking for money would you give it to him or walk by?  If the government offered you millions of dollars to hand a friend over to them (and take into account I don't think Caiaphus would have said "oh and by the way we're going to make sure we kill him") who was a bit of a rebel rouser would you do it?  It's easy to say no, but I don't think this is an easy answer.   

Easter as Metaphor Part 1

I'll start this off by saying that I in no way shape or form am trying to say what is in the Bible is not an actual account of the occurrences of the Easter story, but for a moment I want to take it from the literal to the metaphorical.  Let's start with the "symbols":  1)  Neglecting Duty  2)  The Betrayal   3)  The Son/Sun    4) The Denial  5)  Washing Hands  6) Death/Rebirth/Resurrection  7)  The Temple

1)  As I was reading the Gospels this Easter season I was struck by the moments leading to Christ's death.  The first event is the disciples falling asleep while Christ is praying in Gethsemane.  One simple request was made, stay awake and stay alert.  Christ walks away to pray, and what do they do?  They fall asleep.  Not once but (according to the gospel you read) at least twice.  How hard would it be for you to stay awake for one hour while your friend/teacher went to talk to his Father?  I know many times I've been so angry over this point, and wondered if they had just stayed awake would the soldiers and Judas have been able to overtake them so easily?  Granted prophecy would not have been fulfilled, but you wonder.  

Looking deeper, though, I read this part in terms of myself.  How many times have I "fallen asleep"?  I admit, I've let my own apathy get the better of me.  In an effort to win the battles against fear and oppressive energies I have set myself apart in ways from the world around me.  I've closed my eyes against the very things I should be keeping watch over.  The sufferings of others has been a very small concern for me as of late.  I have watched disasters with a sort of detached fascination.  That isn't saying that I haven't given money to things like Red Cross or other charities, but I'm doing so out of obligation instead of a real want to help.  The same use to be said for prayer.  I use to pray because I should and not because I really wanted to connect and communicate with God.

So in a sense have I not fallen asleep while on watch?  While Christ is "in the Garden" have I not drifted off while waiting for him to come back from speaking with the Father?   While the enemy is closing in (whatever form that might take, it could be either physically, spiritually or mentally) am I alert or will I be taken unawares as well because I let myself drift off instead staying vigilant?

What about you?  Where have you fallen asleep? 

Let the rebellion begin....

This idea has been stewing forever.  I keep putting it off because of fear and laziness.   I don't think it's a coincidence that I've decided to start this the day after Easter.  After all, this time of year is about new beginnings. The earth is starting to renew itself after being in the dark so long, why shouldn't my spirit?   Although, I admit I am more of a Fall/Winter gal :)       

So why this rebellion?  I've been soul weary.  I admit it.  I've been tired of reading and listening to all the hate, judgement and fear mongering that surrounds me daily.  This new religion of politics has become especially crushing (that will be another blog).  I am a pessimist by nature, a bit of a downer, so it becomes all to easy for me to get caught up in the negative energy.  However, the past couple of years has seen a real shift in my thought process.  It started when I learned that I am not in complete control of the world around me, only of myself.  That was very freeing.  I also had a personal battle with fear, which I have not completely won, but I have had some major victories there as well.  Also, very, very, very freeing.  Now I feel it is time to expand my horizons a bit.

Simply the concept is to read the Bible, ask questions, try and understand not just the words, but what the mindset was of the author.  What was the world like at that time?  What was going on amongst the inhabitants of the regions where the stories take place?  I want to understand the geography and it's influence, the politics, the practices, etc.  I want to understand the roots of my religion and how it grew to become what it is today.  Whether I consider it right or wrong.  I find the only thing that leads to answers is questions, and you can ask my family and friends, I love to question.  I also have a mean contrary streak, so I tend to be a bit cantankerous when told I should act or feel a certain way. 

This journey will be scattered and illogical, because that is the beauty of an unplanned journey.  It just takes hold and you just follow the road you're on until you decide to take a detour or a completely different path.  This rebellion won't be a loud cry (well not all the time...hee hee) but more in the vain of what I see Christ's rebellion like.  Subtle and quiet but effective.  I'm not out to change the world, though, I'm too lazy for that.  I just want a real understanding of what this religion is that I've subscribed to.  Free of any influence from the past teachings that were pounded into me, as free from mankind's influence as possible, to seek and find without wondering if it's a sin to question or wonder.

That's the plan anyway.  Let's just see where it leads.....